Two roads diverged!!!!

Posted: 15th August 2006
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what is it about this heart and the mind thing biddu!!!why is it that for a very long time now im getting different and totally contrasting reactions from these 2 damn things.

hmmm...having diffculty in how to go abt explainin it....ohh wht the hell man...lets give it a shot...if nothin else i know parul will always be there taking pity on me n appreciating it...son of a bitch...just cant help but drag parul in evrythin can u.....:)

ok ok...i dont know if there are many others who face this same situation like mine or not...and how strong that feeling is...but day in and day out i feel being torn away in 2 pieces because of my heart and my damn mind..when im feel like doing whats rite according to my heart,my mind screws me up..and when im doin whts rite according to my damn brains...my heart breaks me man!!!

because of mind im here today sitting in a freakin beautiful city called Athens making some obscene amount of money that many will say no 22yr old should make..because of my brains and the conditioning that has been done to it over the years...do the "rite" things...do things as they are suposed to be done...live or try to live a kind of life thats expected of me....also during this time i've somehow manged to get the gift of garb...generally i know what to say to whom and at what time..guess bullshittin comes naturally..wht say...

my brains tell me that ive finished my engg...now ive work-ex...ofcourse the next logical step is to do a gr8 pg from some excellent school...and on n on n on..dont need to explain that...every kid in the rite mind knows wht im talkin abt....the things which will make my parents proud..making me a big brother to be like n all...

but....wht abt my heart my friend...is it playing from the same choir sheet as my mind(our company md always says..).....fortunately or unfortunately it does not...not in the least bit..y does it tell me that wht my mind is tellin me is just close your eyes n forget tht ur country needs u not as a money making machine "contributin in his own small way to society" but tht ur country needs you to be in tht slums of mankhurd and dharavi to tell those small children and their families that a better life exists for each and evryone....and work towards acheving that dream of theirs and mine by being with them... which by the way should be one of the most fundamental rights of all...a rite to live a good life..

u mite say tht being born poor and deprived and lack of opportunites is pure luck and a game of chance...well ill be damned if tht is so...damn god shud not be allowed to write nybodys destiny..

to be fighting alongside the honest ppl in the administration who are being denied to do the job tht they dreamed of in the first place...to fight this corruption of minds that has been set upon us and eating us and making us hollow to the core....

so thts my everyday story...and ill tell u the truth now...the reason im in disarray is only my doing...i dont have the fuking balls rite now to listen to wht my heart says to me....the reasons are coz im jus an average guy without any special talents(i dont call bullshiting a talent which many believe to be one) or extraordinary brilliance....and im scared to my guts by the thought of leavin the cushions of money and career and society acceptance that comes with it...

but ill also tell u one more truth..and ill be damned agn if tht isnt a truth....my doctors say tht ive a bigger heart than usual....(although medically thts a fukin abnormality...)...but...but.. but....agn my gut tells me tht its not goin to be long before i stop listening to the bullshit my mind is givin me...and thats a promise i make to myself...and ill burn in hell otherwise....

and so the two roads always diverged and we'll see which one woz taken..